Fucking **************, trying to fuck up with my head. I want to tell him "look, my insanity is MINE, so dont try to add to it". I had ignored him for over a week, and this morning first thing in the morning he texts me with "hey you, how are you doing?".

I don't text, as I figured I would do it later, and I spend the entire day finding the perfect phrase. I thought I would throw some glorious desperate line such as "I have finally gone insane and I know I am not coming back from this one". But instead I just send " I'm ok , thanks. And you?" I thought it was an ok line, as I am too tired by now to even explain anything to him, and I just want him to leave me alone. So he replies:

"Good, thanks. What you been up to?"

At this point, and after my 3rd spliff, I can no longer hold it and I tell him "well I have waved my sanity goodbye, but that is nothing new. And you?"

Nothing. Not a word. Not a question, not a reassurance. Nothing.

The fucking bastard.

And this is the man who was once appointed to save myself. I will give nothing to him. Nothing. I will be like a hard shelled cockroach, that he will have to squash and split open to get to see what is underneath. And when he sees that gooey yellow mess of guts, he will realize how ugly that is, and finally, FINALLY..... he will leave me alone for good. Because I cannot bring myself to leave him first. And eventhough he left me long ago, exactly a week after I slept with him, and has left me over and over again over the past two years, he still sticks around eventually, like one of those bored old cats that only sniff at and play with their food before giving it one disgusted lick.